I never get down on having MS. I have never once asked the question "why me"? If someone even suggests it, I always think "why not?" Is there any one person that is not susceptible to chance or circumstance. Nope. I don't think there's any evil plan in place or lesson to be learned. MS is just part of what makes me Aimee and I don't mind it one bit...even on my worst days. Truly. I could not imagine my life any other way. Even though I was only diagnosed 6 years ago, I have had the symptoms of it for as long as I remember. This body I live in is the only one I know. Now that I know what MS is, I know I have felt some kind of pain, imbalance, sensory issue, memory problem or bladder issue, literally, for my entire life. At least as far back as I can remember. When is that for most of us? Age 4? Age 5? Maybe 6? Still, I really don't think I would trade my life, even if I could. The only thing it ever stopped me from doing was joining the Army (which I wanted to do ever since I could talk) and even when I was "permanently disqualified from all military service for medical concerns" I did not even know I had MS. To get mad at my body would have been silly. Fast forward 13 years from that phone call, I'm in a new state with a new life and a new job. Scratch that. It's not a job. It's a career. Finally! Even more, it's a calling. I love what I do, even on the hard days. In a way, it is BECAUSE of my MS that I have this life. No, I am not going to say it's a blessing in disguise. I'm an Atheist. While I believe there is some order to the Universe, I believe it can all be explained by some series of events. I don't think there is some imaginary dude sitting around all day waiting to punish or praise me for anything that I do. Maybe that is partially why I have never asked the "why me" question. Anyway, all this being said, there is one thing that does kind of make me stop and say "dammit" from time to time. No, it isn't the crushing pain. That is fleeting and doesn't usually impede much. Oddly, it's the clumsiness. This whole long story started with my realization that I have spilled three drinks in two days all due to spasms. I don't need to be a different person or to not have this disease. I just need a sippy cup. Really, life is just all about perspective. Never ask "why?" Only ask "What can I do with this?"
